no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
