Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
