I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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