Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize