I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
