Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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