My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize