Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
