Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
