Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
