She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
