Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize