he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize