May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
