her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize