I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
