Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Randomize
