grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
