every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
