So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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