Welp...herpes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
