I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
