Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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