Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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