Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
