I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
