guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
