i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
