I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
