i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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