to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My cat gives me a boner
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize