I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
should my penis look like a turkey
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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