My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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