how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
