How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
