anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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