I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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