Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
