Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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