I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You took a bar mat shot.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
