What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your cock deserves a montage
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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