im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
