i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
