Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
