I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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