Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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