she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
