So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
