My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
