I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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