If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
