i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize