dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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