The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
