idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
