I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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