My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize