Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
