This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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