Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
