god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
