I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
