he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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