Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
