I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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