oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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