I could have mohawked her pubes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's always time for handjobs
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
