this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
