I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Michael Bay diarrhea
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
