I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
