Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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