R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
