it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize