I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
