i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
