she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
